She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
