And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
