i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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