Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You can't special order awesome
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
