Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
