she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
