i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
