I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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