Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
