You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
