She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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