in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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