New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
