I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
