Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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