I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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