i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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