I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize