She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
