last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
