the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
that is very illegal...i love you.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
