so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
