His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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