i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
