Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
