You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
