He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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