I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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