So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
