I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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