So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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