no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
