you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
50% drunk capacity currently
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
