He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
