About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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