that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
