She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
