We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
