She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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