im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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