Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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