i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
