it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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