I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
