so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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