I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
