I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
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