wrigley field is MILF paradise
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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