we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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