you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
