take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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