I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
