I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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