I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
