Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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