ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
True strength comes from lack of pants
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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