i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
