She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
