And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
