I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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