I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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