I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
