holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
