My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
