I accidentally had phone sex last night
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
