i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
