Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
