Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
