He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
