God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
